If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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