Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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