**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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