swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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