God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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