Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
