Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
