as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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