Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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