Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
