they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
