I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
