i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
