Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
