Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
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I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
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Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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