apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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