idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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