my phone needs a breathalizer
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
