Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
