the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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