I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
