what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
