Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
