We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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