Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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