I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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