i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
What a dumb baby whore.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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