His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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