I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
