oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
