Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
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