We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
