Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
