Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
