i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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