Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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