If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
