dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
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dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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