my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
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Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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