thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
