some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
