pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
