I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
