you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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