i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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