When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
