wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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