rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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