Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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