i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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