While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
