It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
