Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
