im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
