school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
