yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
