Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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