If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
