4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
