Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think your dad took our porno
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
