remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
