...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
