halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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