Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
