He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
