Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
