My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
