You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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