She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
