that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
