Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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