you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Two words: blizzard sex
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
