dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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