How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
