There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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