I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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